Day 47: On crying during exercise.

I've been frustrated recently because it seems to me that I am not making progress with my weight loss. For awhile I was stagnant, and then I started tracking my food intake and lost a few pounds. But then I was right back to the plateau - way earlier than I should have hit it, in my opinion. I couldn't understand it - I was doing all the right things. Stopped eating out of habit. Stopped binging on sugar. Slowed down on my carbohydrate intake, and increased my protein. Exercised at least twice a week, usually 3-4 times (compared with exactly zero times a week for the better part of the last 5 years). And these weren't puny little workouts either. I left with my legs feeling like jelly every time. It was a crapshoot whether or not I'd be able to lift my arms the next day. (Presently, I cannot.)

So, I did what many of you nice folks suggested. I spoke with my trainer and - what do you know? We figured something out.

Apparently, my activity level was set to "superhero" / "full-time athlete" / "lumberjack" / "American Ninja Warrior."

And, apparently, I am none of these things.

I had been feeling pretty good about my intake. I was tracking, eating yummy food, exercising, and not feeling too terribly hungry. So, imagine my surprise when my trainer suggested that my calorie intake could be cut by a quarter. Twenty-five percent. I had been expressing my frustration while doing some TRX rows and I started to tear up. Irrespective of the fact that it makes literally no sense to work out and cry at the same time, the tears were still there. Did the trainer notice? Maybe. Probably. He was perfectly matter-of-fact about the whole thing, which really made me tear up even more. One thing I love about this studio is that all the trainers and I have gotten to know each other really well and they are all SO supportive, even when I feel like a hippo trying to dance ballet sometimes. Later, in the office as we looked at my intake profile, I wanted to cry again. "I'm going to be starving all the time!" I said. 

But, I've done this before and I can do it again. This time, rather than just being ok with being hungry, or eventually getting fed up and stuffing my face with sea salt caramels (which is what I would have done in days gone by) I want to work to find higher-protein snacks and eat more vegetables.

So, I changed my calorie goal in this silly little app. Have I seen any changes yet? Well, I'm starving every day. So apparently I need to do more work on the protein and vegetable front. I have dropped a little weight, but not enough to go shouting it from the rooftops quite yet. 

But, the commitment is still there and I am hopeful. Now, I need to keep dancing so that I can reach the first round of goals I set for myself 47 days ago.