I haven't given up. I haven't forgotten about myself. I haven't fallen off the wagon. Well. Not completely. Occasionally someone asks, "So are you still blogging?" or, "How's the weight loss going?" and I kind of grin and shrug. I'm just so busy.
But if I'm being honest with myself, that's not the only reason I haven't been around.
Yes - I have a wonderfully demanding job and an equally amazingly demanding family situation. I've been busy, for sure. But truthfully - I've de-prioritized my weight loss in favor of the path of least resistance. If I want to lose weight, I need to put some thought into it - and it's just easier to not think about it.
Like I would in a good coaching session with an interview candidate or with one of the teachers I work with, I'll begin with the positives - because I do have quite a bit to celebrate. First, I have upheld my commitment to work with a trainer twice a week. Every Wednesday and Friday, I go into the studio and put on my best smile and push myself to do things that still seem harder than they should be, but nonetheless are much easier than they were 4 months ago when I started. Also, I have kept up with my commitment to stay away from excessive sweets, and excessive eating in general. I don't eat something if I don't like it, and even if I do like something I can control myself and not eat the entire thing. As a family we have made some wiser decisions regarding what to buy at the store, what to eat for snacks, and what to plan for dinner. It's a work in progress, but we are taking baby steps. I haven't gained any weight. I've even lost a little. And as for consciousness in general, I have been making a daily and even minute-by-minute effort to live consciously - to conduct my life in joy and peace, and to start unraveling that impatience and need to know the answers everything I'm wondering about RIGHT NOW! that crept up in my life around the time I got my first iPhone. I am meditating every day and slowly working to calm my relentless Energizer Bunny of a brain.
So...what are my challenges right now? Well, one big one is that while I am prioritizing my training sessions, I am not making it to the gym outside of those times. Which means that I am missing out on opportunities to increase my cardiovascular health (and let's face it - burn some calories). I don't often have the time to get to the gym, but I'm not looking for alternatives either. Tonight would have been the perfect evening to go for a walk with the girls, but I just SO didn't want to. So I pushed them on the swings until it was time to come in for dinner. Bo-ring! I have strayed from my commitment to not stuff myself once or twice, but the biggest challenge around food is that I feel too tired and too busy to adequately plan for our meals, particularly dinner. We scrape things together sometimes, but all too often it's frozen pizza (does it count as "healthier" if it's gluten free?) or takeout. I'm meeting with my favorite gym owner tomorrow to see if he can be of assistance with meal planning so that I can stop feeling guilty about it and just have a plan to follow.
So, while I'm not where I hoped and expected that I'd be on May 14, I am not giving up. I am happy with my commitment to live more consciously and keep myself healthier, and I am continuing to live that commitment and model it for my family members, colleagues and students. So that's something to be proud of - right?
